Dr. Tiegerman Speaks

I cannot imagine what people are thinking when they make insensitive comments about children with autism and their parents.  It really isn’t funny and to use children to make a joke is at the very least cruel.  So for all comedians out there, I would suggest that you wash out your mouths and go back to the Golden Rule, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” 

Stop labeling children and their parents with nasty, negative terms.  Parents are not “junior morons,” they are struggling like most parents with children who do not come out of a cookie cutter design.  No one chooses to have a child with a disability.  It is hard.  It is difficult.  It is a life-long commitment that tears at our insides and our souls as we watch our children struggle.  These jokes and snide remarks are hurtful and mean because they are belittling.

Firstly, parents are not “faking” their children’s problems.  Children with autism spectrum disorders have serious and severe communication, language and behavioral disorders which are diagnosed by psychologists, neurologists and speech pathologists between 18 and 24 months of age.  So, parents are not making anything up and they are certainly not exaggerating the fact that their children have serious developmental disabilities.  There is no conspiracy between parents and professionals to identify learning problems that are not real.  Secondly, for the life of me, I cannot understand why parents are being blamed for their children’s learning difficulties.  Children do not have autism because adults have poor parenting skills.  How can anyone suggest that parents are to be blamed for their children’s neurological difficulties?  Parents do the very best that they can when they raise their children.  There is no learning manual which teaches parents how to parent.  This is truly a learn as we go process and certainly as parents we learn a great deal about ourselves from our children.  But let’s understand something, parents do not deliberately and/or intentionally raise their children to become socially, emotionally and/or behaviorally disordered.  The blame game which makes parents the focus of mean-spirited comments is destructive to all families. 

Most parents do not have children with disabilities.  Most parents have the typical and usual developmental problems that we all talk about humorously as children get older.  For example, the historical comment made by many mothers, “You should only have a child like you.”  I think any parent of a child with a disability would love to make that statement.  The statement reflects the fact that typical children as challenging as they may be, grow up and grow out of the universal adolescent challenges.  For parents of children with disabilities, particularly those with autism spectrum disorders, the challenges remain part of the child’s adult profile and never disappear. 

My question to Denis Leary is what is your motivation for making remarks like this?  Why would you make jokes at someone else’s expense?  So how about if I say to Denis Leary, “Come here and let me slap you” for being such a nasty little boy.  What would your mother say? 

Ellenmorris Tiegerman, Ph.D.

                                                                                    Founder and Executive Director

                                                                                    School for Language and

                                                                                    Communication Development